Mom Unedited: Pinocchio Parenting

Mom Unedited: Lies

Real life (if somewhat shameful) stories about raising Winston

I never imagined the level of deception that would be involved in parenting. I knew my husband and I would fully support Santa, the Easter bunny, and the tooth fairy.

What I didn't expect were the small dishonesties that help us get through the day.

  • "The TV stopped working." (My pitiful attempt to cover up the fact that I unpluged the TV after enduring 2 hours of Rescuebot cartoons circa 1984).
  • "Mommy, can you believe I used up all the water outside?" (Little does he know that daddy, impatient to end the hour+ water play with the hose this past weekend, turned off the water gauge from inside the house.)
  • "You will bike faster if you have your helmet on."

And even this morning, in a plea to get my son to brush his teeth before rushing outside to find the neighbor's kitty: "you know Winston, kitties really prefer boys with fresh breath."

At this point it's become an art form. At the same time, the story of Pinocchio haunts my son. Whenever he tells a fib these days, he quickly says "is my nose growing?" He has become the boy who cannot tell a lie for fear of an extended protrusion from his face.

My husband is convinced our dishonest ways will haunt us in the future. Maybe. Probably. At some point very soon our astute 4 year old will realize the car will start whether or not he is buckled up.  And that he won’t get green pirate teeth if he misses a day of brushing. And that he can tell tall tales without risking disfigurement.

Until then, I’m embracing my life as a serial fibber.  Speaking of which…where did I hide the Elf on a Shelf last year?  It’s time for him to make an appearance and instill the fear of Santa in my son.